Hey Yall ♥
For those that do not know, I am in grief therapy right now through my church. It is the hardest class that I have ever taken in that it is truly eye opening. One thing about myself is that whenever I go through something traumatic, I tend to draw away from the world and curl up into my own shell. I have felt many times that I surely am the only one that feels this level of alone. I’m here to tell you that I was wrong for feeling that way. EVERYONE experiences grief in different ways. One way everyone’s grief is the same is that it is all painful. I cannot tell other peoples stories for privacy and respect reasons but I will say that the people in my class are truly carrying heavy burdens. There are moments when I am so sad for myself and other moments where the sadness in other people’s faces is almost too hard to bear. When I started going to class the leader was very kind and explained to us that we did not have to talk if we did not want too. That it was completely optional. This took so much pressure off me as talking about what I am feeling currently feels impossible. We watch a video on grief, how to deal with it, what is normal, etc, on the TV and then some people choose to discuss their loss before we go home. When I get out of class, I literally feel like this…..
Tonight, I got in the car, in the rain, and cried all the way home. It is so much easier for me to try to numb it all out, work myself to death, and pretend like it never happened. Because of this, I can truly say that I never dealt with my sister or brother’s death. I did not know how too nor did I know who to lean on that could identify with what I am going through. I kept seeing a brochure for grief therapy at my church. I can’t tell you how many times I took one and never made the step to take the class. After my grandmother passed, I knew I needed to get help. I’m so deflated, tired, devastated, etc. There is really no way for me to exactly explain it other than the fact that I need help dealing with a loss on this level. This class is the type that I am going to look back on and know that it is exactly what I needed during this time in my life. I have faith that it is. However, as of right now, it feels hard and emotional. It is not an experience I WANT to do weekly. It is one that I know I must to dig myself out of this awful trench that I am in right now.
In class, they talk about exhaustion a lot. They discuss how it is normal to feel you have to force yourself to do anything. What was once easy (like taking a shower) now feels completely daunting.
Some people lose interest in things they used to love doing. Others cry often and feel in complete despair. It was mentioned that those grieving may see people around them that cause them to feel like they are looking at their loved one that passed. There is a lot that I can identify with in these videos. My boyfriend is taking the class with me which I truly appreciate. It helps to have support when you are going through something painful.
As I go through this class, I would love to make some blogs on things that I learn and tips that I can give people about grieving. Tonight, I was thankful that the people in the grief video said that “no one can rush you through your grief process.” I know that there are so many people that feel one should snap back, that sadness is a sign of weakness, and that anyone that draws out sadness is being dramatic. This is ridiculous guys and clearly anyone that feels this way has never lost someone they love. Grief is the price we pay for loving someone so much. Experiencing extreme sadness is normal when we love those that we love.
If you are going through grief please know how sorry I am. I encourage you to reach out to your church to see if there is a grief counseling class. And if your church does not have one, check others! I know there have to be more classes like mine out there. There are also grief therapists. You need a support group (even if it is just one person) if you are going through this.
My ♥ truly goes out to you. If you have anything you would like to share in the comments, know that you are welcome too!
Have a wonderful night!
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