Farewell Facebook and my “Friends”

Hey Yall!

Hope that you are doing good 🙂 It is actually feeling a little cooler out side. There has been a slight breeze in Charleston, SC the past few days which has come as such a relief. Currently I am watching the show “What the Health” on Netflix. I feel the need to stop eating meat and yogurt. They are linking meat and dairy to cancer based off of a lot of studies. I know that if I do not eat meat I crave it. But at the same time, it very may well be the reason that I am so over weight. I eat meat daily and have truly tried to eat more white meat than red. According to this show though, white meat may be worse for you. I am going to do some research into being a Vegetarian. I know that would be a slow process for me but I would be interested to see the impact on my weight if I became one. I am not sure…just mulling the idea over.

Today, I looked into how to completely DELETE my Facebook account. Be sure to Google or YouTube how to PERMANENTLY delete your account (unless you prefer to deactivate it). If you deactivate it that means all you have to do is sign into your account and boom all your stuff is still there. Though that SOUNDS good, it makes it so easy to go right back to Facebook. I am truly done. I’ve taken the apps off my phone and have requested to permanently delete it. Now, as long as I do not log into my account for 14 days, all of my information will be gone. Facebook clearly does not want you to leave. It even provided me a list of people that would “miss” me. Yeah, I am sure those people will be fine…. -_- . Also, I had to YouTube how to permanently delete my account because it is not made obvious on our profile. It is finally done though and I feel I really made the right decision. If you are interested in why I did it…check out my video below:

Looking at myself in this video I mean, I feel like I look SO tired and over weight. Granted, I am about to get my period but still. This is in the MORNING right after I had a shower and got dressed. Like, I should not look this tired. I will be going back to my doctor soon to do a follow up visit. If I do not have sleep apnea (which I was just tested for and was told it did not show up) then I really have no idea what is going on. I’m really concerned about it because I stay exhausted, feel often confused, can’t remember anything, and am just all around burned out all the time. If any of you have any ideas as to what could be going on, feel free to post in the comments below!

Hope everyone is having a good night. Talk to you soon!

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Small Goals and Social Media

 Hey Yall!

I am happy because on my YouTube channel I now have over 100 followers. It may not sound like much but a couple of weeks ago I did not have any. Everyone starts with 1 follower, I have to remind myself of that. If you would like to follow me on my channel or participate in my give away, I would love that! I do a lot of Dollar Tree hauls, thrift hauls, book hauls, and am starting to do videos on depression awareness.  I will post the link below for you 🙂

I’ve been going back and forth about whether or not I want to stay on Facebook.  I was thinking the other day that anything that a person could not stop doing (other than religion) is probably not a good thing. Does anyone agree with me? I have enjoyed Facebook because it is an outlet to express myself. But in a way, it is a landfill where everyone comes to drop the shit in their life (myself included). For some reason, reading about other peoples problems or looking at information about other peoples lives has become way to addicting. It is hard to understand why it is but, it is. Facebook knows it because even if you “delete” your account you can still activate it again. I do not like that feature because some people struggle with being able to stop doing something and need to be able to REALLY delete it. Am I wrong? Is there a way to permanently delete your Facebook? I want to focus my energy on the outlets that I enjoy. Though Facebook is addicting, it is social media and I feel a lot of my time is wasted on there. I think I will be taking down my page soon.

Sorry it has been kind of quiet on my page lately. I am pet sitting at my friends house and will be staying at a different location for the next few days. I love the pets I watch and find this to be a lot of fun. The cat, Taco, always wants to eat anything I am eating haha. I will have to post a picture of him wanting my rice bowl earlier.

hahah I love that picture it is so funny!

Anyway though guys I am going to go because I am really tired and am going to chill out & watch some TV with the pup. Thank you for following me and hanging in there! Feel free to check out my YouTube channel. I would love to have you follow me there! Please comment on my video and let me know if you are from my blog. Look forward to seeing you. Night!

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What are * Sleep Studies * Like?

Hey Yall!

I got back from my sleep study at a local hospital this morning. I can say that I am thankful that it is over haha but that it was not a terrible experience. I’m sure a lot of people do not know what to expect when they go in for medical testing. You can always google about something and read but I find it more comforting to hear a first hand account and see photographs of what a person experienced. Therefore, I am going to share with you my room and the most attractive shot I have ever taken of myself (NOT!!). o judgement OK! Before I get started I will tell you that the test did not show sleep apnea. SO many people were sure that it was going to including myself. I was actually extremely surprised that nothing showed up. With that being said, at least it is over and that is one thing that is currently ruled out.

 This is the exact bedroom I stayed in. The lady that was the sleep technician told me this was my “sweet” which I thought was funny. I was surprised at how normal the room looked considering we were at a hospital. The bed was a Sleep Number bed that could be adjusted which I thought was crazy! The tiny remote on the bed was for the bed itself and the large remote in middle of bed with long wire was for TV. That is one remote that you cannot lose!! The wires look intense but I honestly think they look worse when they are on you. Here is an up close of the wires. I want to note that these were not put on me until around 10 PM because I told the technician I was not tired so she waited a while to hook me up. I appreciated this because I could watch TV for a few hours before needing to be wrapped in wires. There was a bathroom on the side of my room that I did not take a picture of. I never had to leave my room. There was a sink, flat screen TV, and fan.

Above is a view of what was in front of my bed. The sink, tv, share, and sign that says something like STOP Don’t Fall, Just Call.

This is an up close look of the wires. Being conservative, I was very worried that I was going to have to take off my shirt to have wires applied etc but the technician just quickly had to reach down my shirt to apply the sensors over my heart area and that was it. Most of the wires seemed to me attached to my head with a little wax. The wires that went down my shorts, she let me do those. They went down my shorts and attached to my leg.

 

Nothing hurt, it was just uncomfortable. The wires that are attached to your face are the most uncomfortable because a you have two oxygen looking wires that go up your nose a litte. Then you have a few wires taped to your cheeks. This hospital was prepared to read EVERYTHING going on when I was asleep. After all of that was on I looked like this….

I am so glad I thought to take pictures because that has to be the most crazy selfie I have ever taken. My good friend said that I looked like I was about to turn into a super hero hahah!!! I love how she can make something that looks like this sound absolutely normal 🙂 The wires on my chest did not stay there, as they were hooked into a machine. I was not fully “connected” in this picture. You feel like either you are about to take worlds largest lie detector test or that you are turning into an electronic.  Stay calm though and just laugh about it. Everyone looks like this (hopefully) when they take a sleep test. At 11 PM they had “lights out” meaning the TV and lights had to be turned off. I brought by book light with me and am HIGHLY recommending that you bring yours if you go to a sleep study. It helped calm me down and kind of forget about the situation. Bring a good book you are interested in and just relax. Everything is going to be OK.

I will tell you that falling asleep like this is quite the challenge. The technician was very kind and did everything she could to make me comfortable including offering to turn down the air, seeing if I needed anything, checking on me, etc. I feel like that made a huge difference with this feeling as low stress as it was. When I finally got to sleep I heard a little beep beep beep. It went on and on and on. I thought one of my sensors had come loose and the computer was making a sound to alert the technician. I did not have a call bell but that is because you just speak out if you need anything. There is some kind of recorder thing in my room that allows her to hear it outside the door. She came in and explained that it was a fire alarm but that it should be ending soon. I have really bad luck with being in big places when fire alarms go off. I did not like being hooked up to a machine and there being a potential fire. I later was told that hospitals are so fire proof that they would move people from one side of the floor to the other before they would ever move them outside. I always envisioned people escaping down the stairs but I was not how it works in a hospital!! Interesting fact! Anyway it did go off and there was no fire….

That experience was definitely eventful. One other thing is that you will be watched by a camera during the night. The camera picks up any motion or if you kick, roll, etc in your sleep. Below is a picture of the camera. I do not know how the Kardashian’s do it! I would NOT want that camera on me all the time. I love photography but do not like being in pictures or videos.

Ok, with all that being said, it is OVER! Yay! They get you up super early. Like the technician was knocking on my door at 5:30 AM. I left around 6:10 AM when my boyfriend got there. It went by pretty fast considering all that was involved. I would say to people needing a sleep study to not be scared of it. More so to just be aware of what is going to be done, know that there will be a TV, and you can bring your own book! Try to do what makes you comfortable. The unit is pretty quiet (minus the fire alarm) so I was able to fall asleep. I hope your sleep study has a sleep number bed that you can adjust! I think that helped!

Have a great day and let me know about your experience if you would like to below! As always, thank you for following me!

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You Can’t Save Anyone From Their Storm

Hey Yall

I hope everyone is doing good. It is storming outside right now in Charleston, SC. That photograph is from right outside my door. I went outside and saw the storm rolling down our street. This storm has inspired the post below. I am telling you that when you experience writer’s block you can get inspired by even nature!

I am going to look at friendship differently tonight, so I need you to use your imagination with me. Here is what friendships and storms have in common and why both put together are so dangerous.  Have you ever had a friendship where when things are going well for your friend, you don’t hear from your friend. Everything seems peaceful and the air is clear. This is what I call the calm before the storm. Everything is silent but you feel something is coming with this person. It is predictable, as you have experienced their storms before and you know how they are built.

When your phone starts lighting up with text messages, this is the lightning. This is the storms warning and it is going to be here soon. You look down at your phone to see tons of messages about what is going wrong in your friends life. Often times you drive through the rain to meet with them in their darkness and listen. Sensing the danger, you feel intense panic within yourself to advise them on exactly what to do to get out of their situation. As the rain starts to pick up you break out your umbrella. However, when you try to offer your friend one, they push it away. They do not want the shield from the storm. Instead, they want to feel everything because something from their past caused them to feel like they deserve too.

  There is absolutely no logic in it, because you don’t know where they have truly been, and you try to force the umbrella on them. Thinking surely, they must need comfort, as they are incredibly miserable right now. It is true that they are cold, wet, and very lost. That is only what the eye can see though. They are in fact injured in a place you cannot possibly reach. When you realize your friend does not want help, you have to make a choice about whether to stand in the rain, watching your friend get battered, and chilled by the storm. Or you can choose to walk away and go back inside your house, get coffee, and snuggle up in a comfortable chair. That is, without them. You could watch their shadow in the darkness and as they curl into a ball through a rain stained window. How can one make that choice when love is involved.  Many of us are willing to sacrifice our emotions and health if it means trying to save someone.

I want  you to just consider this for a second… YOU CAN’T SAVE THEM.  Would it change your choice on how you handled the situation? Would you still stay with them. When they can’t breath and are being swept away, do you reach for them?  What determines what is an unhealthy amount of sacrifice for a friendship?  I will admit to this hands down, I want to fucking save everyone and anything less has always been unacceptable. I have always felt a huge need to be strong for the weak.  The sad fact is… I am weak. And in all reality, I’ve never saved anyone. A lot of energy has been spent in the name of trying too. My heart has been in the right place but I have sacrificed myself to aide those who do not want anything more to unload their storm on me and then move on.  I’m left feeling exhausted, battered, and weak.  This is not OK and I am tired of the rain.

The sad fact is that we all have our own individual storms that brew within us. For some, that makes them incredibly strong and stubborn. And for others, they feel the need to run their storm into someone else’s, creating a human hurricane. A situation which causes damage, grief, and extreme loss in some situations. Therefore, you need to really ask yourself if your friendships are healthy or if they are causing you to drown. One can drown in drama, lies, severe stress, etc. Friendships should be balanced and when one is weak, the other should be willing to be strong. If your friendship is similar to that of a hurricane, please take shelter. Know that you deserve better than hurting yourself by trying to save someone. At the end of the day, people can ONLY save themselves. Being there for someone is healthy but when it gets to the point of a constant rescue mission, you will burn out. Love is strong but it should go both ways. One person cannot row a boat to safety. Remember that.

Have a great night! I hope this blog gave you something to think about. If you would like to make comments below I would love that.

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July Thrift Haul and Snugg Pictures

Hey Yall!

Hope you have had a good week. The weekend is almost here! Apparently for Snuggs, it started earlier today. He was chilling in our neighbors driveway. I snapped this picture of him before he popped up. I need to put a camera on Snuggs so I can track where he goes during the day. He missed breakfast but then I found him sitting on top of my boyfriends care tonight. What it must be like to be a cat.

Here is another picture of Snuggs chilling on the arm chair. If you would like to see more pictures of my six pets you can find them on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/snugg.life . I try to post weekly pictures of them doing different silly things!

Below are a few good finds from thrift stores that I purchased recently. I wanted to share the pictures with you. Under each picture I will tell you about each item.

I found these two peacock frames for $3.99 each at Goodwill. It is hard to tell but the places where there are circles or designs in the picture are mirrors. The wording is in French and the colors are really pretty. I am going to hang them in our haul. We have a nautical theme with a lot of blues in the living room so I think these will look nice!

 

Speaking of nautical I found this fish tea pot! My boyfriends mom is going to receive this, as we do not really need it. However, it is a really cool find as I have never seen a fish pot before. It has a lot of detail and is a nice color. Hopefully she will like it! I got this at Goodwill too for $4.99.

While I was looking around at Goodwill I came across this pair of lamps. We have been looking for a pair for the bedroom but all the lamps we find are so expensive. The design on this lamp is really unique. I think they are going to look great in the bedroom. If you are looking for lamps and happen to come across two good ones at a thrift store, make sure you put them in your buggy fast! These items go quickly. I had two people comment on my lamps saying they really liked them 🙂 These were $12.99 each which is a good deal for lamps!!

One of my favorite purchases for the week is this pillow. I do not know where it came from as it did not have a tag but it looks like it could have been from World Market. It is beautiful, soft, and sparkly. I am pretty sure this pillow was made in India or at least a country outside of the U.S. because of the material and colors. I believe I purchased this pillow for $2.99 from Goodwill.

OK well I think that is all for tonight. I hope everyone gets to do something fun this weekend and relax. It sounds crazy but I almost miss missing the weekend. The weekend felt so much more amazing when I was working. I’m very thankful for the opportunity provided to me to not work at the moment. However, not working is NOT as easy as I thought it would be. I try to keep myself busy with cleaning, the pets, going on errands, and doing pet sitting. I am still looking into college and have submitted my FAFSA. I will keep you updated on all that 🙂

Thank you for following and supporting my channel. I appreciate EVERYONE that is following my blog.  Have a goodnight!

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Why is it so Exhausting to Tell the Truth?

Hey Yall!

Yesterday I went to counseling. I have recently been starting back going but am sad because my counselor is going into a different career. I really like her so it will be tough to find someone else. Anyway, her and I talked about going back to collect, the debt everyone is in, and the extreme struggle to make it. I shared with her my fears about going back to college. The past few times I have tried it I have withdrawn. I am unsure if it has been because I have been taking too many classes while working full time or if I felt so down on myself that I gave up. My mind is always hopping all over the place causing sticking to a major to be really hard. One day I want to be one thing and the next day I want to be something else. She told me that after everything I had survived she had faith that I could make it through school. I’m also not working right now so this is the ideal time to go. I’m still just really up in the air about it. I am so tired of things not working.

With that being said, when I got out of there I felt SO EXHAUSTED. Well let me start over. IN the office while I was checking out I dropped a very large cup of diet coke all over their carpet floor. Including tons of ice which was fun. So there was that. Then when I got to my car I had a really hard time focusing on my GPS to get home. Multiple times I went the wrong direction. It probably took me an hour to get home when it should have taken 30 minutes. Shortly after I got home I ended up going to lie down in the bed. When my boyfriend got home I was lying in bed on the computer with the lights out. I hate that he gets home from work and I can’t even function. My body feels like it has just run a race though.

Why is counseling exhausting like that?  Discussing the truth about what is really going on inside your head feels easy in the moment (for me) but then afterwords I can tell how I do not do it enough because I am shot. I’ve located a DBT group in my area which I am going to start going too. I have never been in a group before but I think it may be comforting to be around others that are struggling with the same thing. Will see how it goes!

Hope everyone is having a good week!

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McDonald’s INSANE Budget

Hey Yall!

So today one of my friends sent me an article that featured a budget that McDonald’s and Visa made. They did this budget to show how a person should be able to support themselves on $8.25 an hour (aka supporting keeping wage the same). I almost had a heart attack when I read it. Below is the budget and I will post the link to the article.  I noticed that this article was written in 2013 but I guess it has resurfaced on Facebook because the budget is so crazy. Even in 2013 this budget would have been insane.

McDonalds Tells Workers How to Budget on Their Meager Earnings 

I am so tired of all of this insanity. Minimum wage needs to be RAISED. I feel like the average car payment is $300-400 and health insurance can range from $300-600+ a month! (unlike the budget above). Also, notice how the McDonalds budget put $0 for heat. So I am assuming their workers will work 2 jobs and freeze to death in the winter. I mean that is what I am reading right? I know it is different everywhere but in Charleston, SC I feel like the average rent is $850-$1000. So let’s figure this out for a minute. I will use there exact monthy Net income chart but I am going to change the budget.

 

Income: $1,105 (1st job)

Income: $955 (2nd job)

Other Income : 0

Monthly Net Income Total: $2,060

Monthly Expenses

Savings: $100

Food (WHICH WAS NOT ON THE BUDGET ABOVE): $200

Gas (WHICH WAS NOT ON BUDGET ABOVE EITHER) : $80

Mortgage/Rent : $900

Car Payment : $350

Car/Home Insurance: $200 (based of those of us who are financing our cars and are required to have FULL coverage insurance)

Health Insurance: $400

Heating: $80

Cable/Phone $180

Electric: $125

Other: $200

Monthly Expense Total: $2,715

 

So you are only making $2,060 with BOTH of your jobs combined. You are probably never home because you are busy working yourself into the ground. I hate to tell you this but your Net Income ($2,060) – Monthy Expenses ($2,715) = $-655 . This means you may need to figure out how to grow eight arms and get a THIRD job. Even then you will barely scrape by. And that is just with the BARE necessities !! Forget having fun, going on a vacation (ever), or seeing your bed for that matter. I hope you are in the medical field and can get some night shifts so you can work around the clock and just sleep at your employment.

IT IS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE TO SURVIVE 

The current minimum wage in Charleston, SC is $7.25!!! Meaning that it is even more impossible to budget at other places than McDonalds since according to their article, the budget is based off $8.25.  Also, you better hope that you do not have student loans. Lord help you if you do because that will be an additional  $100 plus payment a month most likely!

I know for a face that if I was not with my boyfriend that I would either have to move out of state to family or go into a homeless shelter.  This is crazy and so degrading for everyone trying to get ahead. The gap between the upper class and lower class is widening.  I really hope something changes. For all of us.

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The Twilight Wife

Hey Yall

Hope you are having a good day. The book I am now reading is “The Twilight Wife” by A.J. Banner.  I am half way through it and so far, the book is very intriguing. It is about a diver named Kyra that got into an accident. Due to the accident, she lost the last four years of her memory. “The Twilight Wife” chronicles Kyra’s journey to put the bits and pieces back together and figure out who she truly is.  The novel is intriguing because when Krya recovers from her accident, her life is almost too perfect. She has to figure out what she is missing. There is definitely an element of mystery in this book! I will definitely review it once I am finished.

It has been a really rainy day here in Charleston, SC. I had a few pet sitting visits which went well. I then came home and wrote some letters to my box pals. I’ve really enjoyed writing to people and sending goodies through the mail. For so long all I have received is bills and credit card applications. Who wants those ha!? Ew. I also really like thrift shopping for items that my penpals might enjoy. Today, I have also been contemplating going back to school the past few days. I feel really torn about it. On the one hand, the past two days I have tried it has gone really bad. Both times I did not continue the degree. Also, people would ask how I was doing in school and when I would be done. Those questions caused my anxiety to shoot through the roof. I already feel like a failure as it is so feeling any more pressure to perform makes me want to collapse. I have to figure out how to overcome this some how. I also have to figure out what the best way for me to go about school is. I will keep you updated on what I decide.

Hope you have a good night! As always, thank you so much for following.

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Fun Shopping Finds & Rose Photograph

Hey Yall

I thought I would make a second post today since I did not get the opportunity to write yesterday. I wanted to post a few pictures of some cute items I have seen this past week. Hope you like them! I will post under each picture where the items are from.

Above is the largest piece of pizza I have ever had in my life. We went to a restaurant called Frothy Beard. The pizza was AMAZING. This was made into dinner and lunch! I had plenty to take home. They also had a lot of toppings to choose from. I would advise you to go during lunch though, as I feel it would be cheaper. We sat by TVs and got to play some really old video games.

I found some words like the one above in the Target Dollar Spot. They were $3 each. I saw the words “create” and “read.” I did not purchase them due to lack of space but I really did want the “read” one! They would be really cute in a classroom.

These kitchen towels were also found in the Target dollar spot for $3 each. I love the Farmers Market items they have. They are really cute. I also chose to not purchase the towels because I already have some. But I may go back and get them for extras if they are still there.

I found these cute little guys at the Dollar Tree. They were $1 each. I think these little guys would be great for faul. They had sweet faces and long legs that dangled down.

I saw these cute lollipop looking hair bands at the Dollar Tree. I did end up getting one of each of these lollipops. The larger one I believe has 40 bands and the smaller one has 25. The larger one is obviously the better deal but the smaller one is lighter and easier to mail. I just thought they were unique and colorful.

Hope you like the items I posted about! Have a great day.

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Identity – Who Are You?

Hey Yall

In church today we discussed identity and what it was. I think I have blogged about it before but wanted to again. I think one reason many people feel so depressed is because they define themselves by what career they are in. I cannot remember the last time I heard someone tell me they were truly happy in their career field. I know people that are in student debt, that are getting out of their careers, and people that are not even in one. From what I have learned about identity, I’ve learned that we should not define ourselves by our job. A career is an accomplishment though for so many people. They are either proud of having it or proud of surviving it. Therefore, why is it not part of peoples identity? It is confusing to me.

Think about this for a second. If someone were to ask you to explain your identity, what comes to mind? Are you proud of who you are?  Of what you do? Do you know who you are?

For me, I feel very frustrated. I can’t say at this point in time I even have much that defines me. I know that when I was working I had more of a sense of self. I should feel proud that I can write and express myself in the way I do. I have to get used to saying “I write in my blog” and that “I have a YouTube channel.” I think that it is just going to take time to stop being hard on myself. I’ve never known anything other than hard physical labor. Now that I no longer do it, I feel like I do not know what to do with myself. I’m going to have to take this break to kind of reinvent myself if you will. Find myself. And to discover how to love myself. Just because one thing does not work out in life does not mean that you are a failure. I can identify with that feeling but I know that my brain is telling me false information. It has to do with who I was raised by. My mom always felt defected and like a failure. It makes me sad looking back on memories of what she went through. I now realize she must have felt very alone and scared.  Today, I feel a similar way. Instead of letting it defeat me though I am fighting back. I want a life that I am proud of. It is just going to be a challenge to figure out how to create that for myself.

I can tell you this right now, part of my chihuahua’s identity is burping extremely loud. She never used to do that until I started dating my current boyfriend. I’ve never heard anything so tiny burn so loud. She owns it though. Daisy looks at us like, that’s right bitch what you going to do. hahaha It is interesting, if you were to describe your pet’s identity you may think of words like: kind, loving, compassionate, funny, etc. And yet when it comes to people, society does not think that is enough. It wants us to be educated, successful,have a good credit score, high GPA, and a respected job. Hence why many of us are struggling. Everyone is so damn confused as to what to do to be someone worth anything.

I’m very tired of trying to tie my identity into whatever magical combination it takes to get noticed. I’ve tried to play by the rules, work hard, and push through it. With that being said, all it has gotten me is taken advantage of and worked into the ground. Clearly, I am doing everything wrong. I need to work on patience because I want everything to get better immediately and for be to be in a career I am in love with. Life just does not work that way. Few things that are real happen fast.

I saw this verse on someones journal today and wanted to remember it:

“For we walk by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7. 

Hope everyone is having a good day!

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