What does depression feel like?

Hey Yall!

I know that people often associate depression with sadness.  Though I understand why people put the two together, I don’t think that word even scratches the surface. I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder along with other conditions. I write about depression so that I can bring awareness about this mental illness. Many people have been diagnosed and most likely, there are even more that go undiagnosed. Everyone’s journey and struggle is different. This is mine.

This sounds odd but sometimes I take selfies when I feel really depressed. I always try to capture the intensity of how I feel. Maybe it is because I want someone to notice or understand what is behind the mask.

The best way to describe what depression feels like for me is a heavy weight. Have you ever done lunges while holding weights in your hands? After doing this exercise for a short time you begin to feel weak and it is hard to continue forward. Everything burns and you feel like giving up. This is how I feel often during the day. I would like to say that it is just in the morning but it is not. I am tired all day. I will wake up and struggle to get out of bed. Not because I am just “tired” but more so due to the fact that I don’t want to function.

In my head I make a list of all the things I need to get done for that day. I’m thankful for my pets because knowing I need to feed them is one of the first things that gets me up. From there I eat breakfast and take a shower because I do not want to go to work without one. Thankfully, I’ve always been a really clean person. Catch me on a day off though and the idea of staying in my pajamas in bed sounds amazing. I don’t hang out with anyone and tend to isolate myself from everyone, even family. In my mind, I feel that why should I get close to anyone when they ultimately leave one way or another.

Driving up to work I watch as people I work with walk in. I don’t. I usually stay in my car about 30 minutes with the A/C on while listening to the radio. I have to mentally prepare to go in. I’m often exhausted before I even get out of the car. I do not hate my job nor the people I work with. I’m very thankful actually to be able to have the chance to work with animals. Depression just makes everything feel hard. Once I get in, the day gets easier as there is a clear agenda that I need to get done.

Sometimes, when I get home at the end of the night, I once again sit in my car. It feels like a lot to walk inside, especially if no one is there yet. When my boyfriend arrives home he often wants to go to a restaurant and eat there. When I am that level of tired I do not want to do anything that involves going out and sitting around strangers. What feels normal to some feels incredibly emotionally exhausting to me. Occasionally, we will go though because how my boyfriend feels does matter to me. It all depends on how much strength I have that day.

After work, I need things to be quiet. I’m overloaded with sound and life in general. The best way to get me to snap is to bring any kind of unusual change into my routine. If people drop by unexpectedly I will usually be found hiding in the back room. Putting pressure on me to socialize brings about either intense anger or a deep sadness of failure from myself. Socializing is the single hardest thing I’ve ever tried to make myself do. Well…..I guess public speaking ranks first, however, socializing is close to the top!

What I want to tell you if you have depression, anxiety, etc, and are struggling 

You are not alone. I know it is a battle that can really only be understood by those suffering along side you.  No one reaches me in the way someone who has truly “been there” does. I would like to say that I am in recovery, even though most days it does not feel like it. I want to encourage you to find a counselor and/or Psychiatrist you connect with. I have had different ones in the past and the two I have now are definitely the best. If you are  saying to yourself right now “I don’t have any money for that” I can assure you I was in your boat. Actually, my boat was sinking from bills. I called around and found a mental health clinic that did a SLIDING SCALE. Please ask for this. What it means is that you bring in a pay stub and based off your income, they give you a price for your visit.  I believe a person without insurance where I go pays around $30 per visit do a Doctor, Psychiatrist, and/or counselor if they are low income. I’ve tried different medications. I will tell you from experience that some don’t work at all, some work too much, and some you can’t figure out if anything is happening. I have not found any kind of miracle drug or major relief yet. With that being said, I am not giving up. The most dangerous thing is to suffer a lone with no help in site. It makes everything feel pointless.

If you have any questions or would like to reach out to me, I am happy to talk to you!!!!! Please contact me here .

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DIY Valentines Day Frame

Hey yall!

So I know it is a little early for Valentines day but I enjoy having decorations up before the holiday.  I saw Cheap Crafty Girl put this DIY up on her youtube channel the other day.  It looked so easy and fun that I wanted to try it. Below is what I did! I will also link the video to this craft on her channel.

What you need:

1 Sheet of scrapbook paper. (get creative ! You can do ANY pattern or background)

4×6 Frame (you can find these at the Dollar Tree or Thrift Stores for CHEAP)

Heart Picks (I found mine at Dollar Tree. Look for pack that says NINE Pieces in top right corner. These are the smaller hearts and fit better on a 4×6 frame. You could always use a bigger frame though!!! They have heart picks in pink & red. Some were sparkly.)

Glue Gun (I did use Gorilla Glue because it is what I had. BUT the glue takes a while to dry and dries pretty thick. The next time I would use a glue gun.)

That is IT!

This is really simple.

HOW TO MAKE IT:

Take the 4×6 image paper that comes in the frame out.

Lay it on your scrapbook paper to help you measure and cut around the 4×6 page.

Next, put your 4×6 scrapbook page back in the frame. Put the glass BEHIND it. Then put the frame backing on. Make sure the frame is shut well with the latches. Your frame should look similar to this:

Get your glue gun ready. Take your hearts off the picks. They come off easily. My best advice is just to pull straight up. They are Styrofoam hearts so I would not recommend yanking them back and forth to get off because they will come apart.

When you have hearts off  their picks line them up on the scrapbook paper. Take your glue gun and put a dot on the pack of each heart. Press hearts down gently on the paper.  If using a glue gun, the glue should dry quickly.

Voila! Your frame should look like the one below !

This was a FAST, EASY, and INEXPENSIVE craft. Definitely would recommend!

For the video for this craft on the Cheap Crafty Girl youtube page, please click here .  She does a lot of Dollar Tree DIY’s, shopping hauls, crafts, recipes, organization, and cleaning videos. I really enj0y following her!

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[whohi] DIY Valentines Day Frame [/whohit]

Got Taxes? Here is what I did…

Hey Yall!

It’s that time of year to do taxes. (fun…) If you have never done them, are single, do not own a home, and make under 100,000 I would like to recommend

Turbotax 

They are FREE to file your taxes if you fall under the above category. (If you don’t they have other packages you can purchase). I’m horrible at technology and have found Turbotax to be very user friendly!  I do not get anything for recommending them. This is just who I used and had a good experience with. I love FREE!!  They allow you to choose whether you would like your refund to go into your account (make sure you have your routing and account number you can provide them) or for them to end you a written check. I HIGHLY recommend the direct deposit as I feel it would be a lot faster.

Also,

I want to really inspire you to think hard about what you want to do with your tax refund. I am already hearing commercials from car dealerships saying bring your refund on over to us and we will get you in a new car. *Please* consider paying off the debt you are already in first. It is also highly recommended by Dave Ramsey to have THREE months expenses in a savings account. We never know when an emergency is going to come up, a break up is going to happen, or when we are going to be let go unexpectedly from a job. One of the best things you can do for yourself is prepare yourself.  I will talk more about Dave Ramsey at a later time but below is a link to his book and envelope system. I have some of his books, CDs on Financial Peace, and will soon be getting his envelope system. I believe in his advice and that learning to use cash and dig your way out of debt is the best thing I could ever do for myself. My church also supports him and holds classes on his Financial Peace series. When I am in the car I listen to his CDs that cover student loans, car debt, buying a house, how to budget, etc. Check him out!

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DIY Pinterest Coffee Cup

My specialty has never been drawing! I encourage you to prepare yourself for this masterpiece below haha. With that being said,  I saw this craft on Pinterest and wanted to see if it would work.

Supplies Needed 

Permanent marker (you can use as many or as few as you like)

White coffee mug (can find at thrift or dollar store)

What you do

Preheat oven to 350*

Draw any image on your cup

Once completed, put cup into oven for 30 minutes

Use oven mitts to take cup out and let cool (if you are a child, have your parents assist you with this)

I would recommend only hand washing your cup. This is one of the cheapest crafts I have ever done. If you enjoy coloring and/or drawing I can see this being a fun craft for you! These make cute and affordable gifts!

If you need permanent markers, you can get a large variety pack for under $10 on Amazon.

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